Teaching Expected and Unexpected Behaviors

Expected behavior is simply behavior that is normal, reasonable, and anticipated. Unexpected behavior is behavior that is outside the norm and unusual.

This way of talking about behavior is different than how it is normally discussed, in that it doesn’t address behavior as simply “positive” or “negative”, since what is expected can vary from situation to situation. For example, it is expected to speak quietly at a library, but not at a football game. It is expected to raise your hand to speak at school, but it would be unexpected to do that at home.

Why does this make a difference?

One of the key components of talking about expected and unexpected behavior is encouraging students to consider how their behavior makes others feel, how it leads others to react, or even how it influences the way others view/treat them. It is this piece that I believe really gets students to understand that their behavior has serious implications. If they exhibit unexpected behavior at recess (hitting, not playing by the rules, etc.), it may lead students to avoid playing with them.

When students begin to understand that their behavior affects how others view them, they may be more motivated to change it.

How to Introduce Expected and Unexpected Behaviors

To introduce this concept, I always begin by talking about restaurants they are familiar with. I ask them what they expect when they walk into a pizza restaurant. They usually say things like pizza, cashiers, waitresses, tables, etc. I then ask them how they feel when they walk in. This usually leads to feelings such as happiness, calm, and excitement.

Then, I ask them what would happen if they walked into their favorite pizza place and the workers said they were no longer serving pizza, but were serving seafood instead. How would the students feel about that?  

From there, I talk about the feelings evoked by unexpected things. Once they understand what the terms mean, I shift the discussion to behavior and talk about the feelings people have when our behavior is expected versus when it’s unexpected.

How can I teach Expected and unexpected Behaviors?

Use videos and books!

When reading books to your students, ask them if the behaviors in the books are expected or unexpected. Then, ask them how that behavior would make them feel.

There are also many great videos and movies about unexpected behavior. One of my personal favorites is the movie Elf. Buddy the Elf is from the North Pole, and when he comes to New York City, he does things that are quite unusual. This makes the people around him feel very uncomfortable and uneasy. It affects how others treat him - his brother doesn’t want anything to do with him at first, people give him weird looks, etc. However, in the North Pole, his behavior is completely expected, and he is widely popular! This video is a perfect demonstration of his unexpected behaviors!

Talk about it!

For students with whom you meet regularly, through individual or small group counseling, you can each name one expected and one unexpected thing that you have done in the past week, and then talk about how it made others feel.

For example, I once shared that I went to another part of the store without telling my husband, which made him worry about me. I have found that being open about some of your own unexpected behaviors helps the students to be more honest about theirs. You can also ask them how they would feel if they were present when you acted unexpectedly.

Have them make something they can take home

Teaching about expected and unexpected behaviors helps students to better understand the implications of their behavior. Talking about behavior in this way has been instrumental in helping my students improve their behavior!